Well, I don't even know how to start. I feel like God has been calling me out on my attitude/behavior that I display towards my kids. It seems like for the last couple of weeks, I have been reminded on how I need to savor this time in my life and stop complaining about it. Yes, I'm stressed, most of the time. Yes, I tend to put housework more as a priority than playing with Adriana. Yes, I complain more than I praise. All of this has been brought to my attention and has been on my heart. Yesterday at MOPS (Mothers Of PreschoolerS), it was just thrown in my face. We has a special speaker, who talked about some of her adventures and perspectives as a mother with older kids. There are so many things I took away from her yesterday. One is that, as mothers of young children, make sure that we don't compare ourselves to other mothers. There will always be a mom that seems to have all her ducks in a row, or seems to be more crafty, more adventurous, more patient with her kids, than you, but as she reminded us, God has placed each of our children in our care. God designed me to be the mom of Paxton and Adriana and not someoneelses kid. God knows what He is doing. We don't need to compare ourselves to others. We just need to be the best mom we can be to OUR own kids. Another thing that hit home, is that I need not worry so much about housework. I know, if you dropped by my house any given day, without notice, my house is a wreck, and you would wonder if I ever did housework. Hopefully there are other moms out there that would agree, I can clean all day and pick up, and it looks like a disaster still. There will ALWAYS be a mound of laundry, or a pile of dishes, or dusting, or picking up that needs to be done. Whats the difference between these chores and your children? The chores will ALWAYS be there, but your kids won't! I need to realize that it's okay that my house is a mess, most of the times, what's more important is that I spend quality time with them, while they are still young. The other big point that hit home for me, is not to wish my children's life away. I have been aware of this, back when Adriana was a baby and have tried not to think in that way, but there are many times I just wish I could get through the tough times. Well, that's wishing my kids life away. I know there will be a time in my life, that I will miss all this pacifier drama (I'll have you know, that is very hard for me to say right now), so instead of being so negative about it and complaining about it, I need to find some kind of good out of it, because there will be a time she won't even cry to me for anything, so I need to take it all in now.
I'm not sure if any of this is making any sense. I just know that I am thankful that God is opening my eyes now instead of later, so that I can take it all in. It saddens my heart to think of them growing up. There are so many songs and books that talk about missing this phase in our lives. Some of my favorite songs are "Your Going To Miss This" by Trace Adkins and "There Goes My Life" by Kenny Chesney and "It Won't Be Like This For Long" by Darius Rucker. All great songs, and will bring a tear to your eye if you have children. Another book, that I would highly recommend, is a kids book by Karen Kingsbury called "Let Me Hold You Longer". Although its a kids book, it means a whole lot more to the moms and dads. Its a great book, one that I bought for myself and our mom's.
To sum it up, although my house may be a wreck (that is your warning, if you ever "pop-in"), I am going to be playing with my kids, loving them and being the best parent I can be, for God has blessed me with these 2 great kids, and I need to be the best mom I can be.
4 comments:
I just wanted to add this excerpt from a blog I've been following recently of a little girl, Layla Grace, who's battling cancer. You might've seen me mention her on facebook, but this one passage that the mom wrote really hit home for me and made me think a lot of the same thoughts that you wrote here. I think every mom should read this one little paragraph. Not to make them feel guilty, but to put things in perspective.
"Towards the end of a pregnancy, a mother will wake up to go to the bathroom every few hours. I think this is the body’s way of preparing you for a newborn and the sleepless nights that come along with it. Layla now spends most of her days sleeping. 30-45 minutes after she wakes up, she is ready to lay down and sleep again. Is this God’s way of preparing me for all the quiet time that is coming soon? The house is quiet. I am able to go through the motions of laundry, dishes, cooking and picking up without interruptions. But I WANT interruptions. I WANT Layla to be under my feet asking for cookies. I WANT to hear her playing with her toys. I WANT to take 45 minutes to unload the dishwasher because she keeps trying to help. For every time I uttered the words “I just can’t get anything done with these kids under my feet all day” I am eternally regretful. The days that I looked forward to naptime so I could get a grocery list made, or finally fold all the piles of laundry…I regret those days too. If I could do it all again, I’d enjoy EVERY SINGLE WAKING MOMENT I had with her. I would never wish for her to sit still or take a nap or go to bed early. I would never look forward to the days when she could sit through an entire episode of Dora silently. I would treasure every second with her."
Powerful.
This is so well written, Lori. I appreciate your tender heart to hear from the Lord and to respond. You are absolutely right, that you are the only mom for Adriana and Paxton, and God has given them to you, because you are the best one to love and care for them. Have grace for yourself as you try to find a balance between playing and working. Gabe is 8.5 months old, and I'm still trying to find that balance...before our house is turned upside down again with a new baby in a few months. :o) I'm trying to find a routine/schedule for our family that will allow me play time with the boys AND time to get a little bit of housework done, while the boys play quietly by themselves. A few things that we're working toward, that may be helpful to you (without comparing!): Adon playing in his room by himself (with a gate) for increasing amounts of time, up to an hour. And second, FINDING ways for Adon to help me with the housework. Yes, it may take 4 times as long with him helping, but I'm trying to be patient and allow that much time, because it's an investment in the future when he'll be able to do it FOR me. :o) He's great at putting his clean laundry away. He can also help me put away the plastic dishes from the dishwasher. He helps sort the cloth diapers and LOVES to help bake. Just a few ideas to hopefully help you include Adriana in what you do as a normal part of life, but also help you enjoy them. I know this is already super long, but just a quick funny story: Adon was helping me bake something. I asked him to get an egg out for me and hold onto it until I needed it. Well, he saw me cracking the eggs on the counter, so he thought he'd "help" me be cracking his egg on the counter. Oh my goodness, it had to be the Holy Spirit that made me laugh (I'm laughing now as I remember it), because I would have normally gotten upset since I'd have to clean it up and it took longer. But, that day, Adon learned (hopefully) that I still love him and we can laugh when he makes silly mistakes INSTEAD of my mom expects perfection and I'm never allowed to make mistakes. You're a great mom, Lori. I'll pray for you when I'm feeling overwhelmed and have a messy house. :o)
I was guilty of this when my kids were babies... 0, 2, 4 especially. It was stressful. I'm so happy to hear you're figuring it out so early. Enjoy it. I wish mine were little and in my lap again. I'm happy for you. And my house is a disaster 99% of the time. I just don't care anymore.
Sweet words baby! You are so right, God gave Adriana and Paxton the best mama anyone could have. These times will pass faster than you can imagine. You and Chris should still be my little guys! Hug and kiss on your babies each chance you get!!
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